Via Gizmodo

I got this from boingboing.net

Watch out for guys up on ladders!

Checking Voice Mail is such a waste of time… I have caller ID. I know you called. If the phone didn’t ring and it’s important enough, you’ll call me again shortly anyway…

Link

Link to Gizmodo article

The Real Reason Brian Roberts Is Buying NBC

Say what you will about how media moguls will never learn: Comcast CEO Brian Roberts isn’t an idiot. So what is he thinking?

BRIAN’S $15 BILLION BET

First, let’s review the terms of the bet:

* Comcast is wagering about $15 billion (approximately half in cash and half in equity shares in its cable networks) in exchange for half of the New NBC Universal.

* If Comcast gets more than $15 billion back from the New NBC Universal in a reasonable timeframe, the bet will have paid off.

Comcast gets to keep half of the cash flow of the new NBC Universal each year, less interest costs. In 2009, a crappy year, New NBC Universal will generate about $3 billion of cash flow. Subtract, say, $1 billion of interest payments (on $9 billion of debt), and you’re left with net cash flow of about $2 billion a year. Comcast’s share of that, therefore, will be about $1 billion a year.

Some scenarios:

* Let’s assume the New NBC continues to grow. Comcast will get its money back in 10 years. Any more cash or remaining value in NBC from then on will be upside.

* Let’s assume that the new NBC Universal never grows again. Comcast will get its money back in 15 years.

* Let’s assume that the New NBC Universal starts shrinking but doesn’t completely fall apart. Comcast will get its money back in 20 years.

* Let’s assume that the New NBC Universal completely collapses. Brian Roberts will be proven to have been an idiot.

So that’s the bet.

Now, what is Brian Roberts really thinking?

He’s thinking: I’ve got cash coming out of my ears, I know the world is changing, and I’ve decided to buy myself a hedge.

A hedge against what?

A hedge against two things:

* Further extortionist increases in cable content carriage fees
* The gradual conversion of cable into dumb pipes that just deliver Internet access and IP-video

THE HEDGE AGAINST CABLE PROGRAMMING FEE INCREASES

Specifically, Brian Roberts is thinking that he’s sick to death of that bastard Bob Iger at Disney holding him up for higher carriage fees on ESPN, et al, every few years. And, before he bought NBC, Brian was sick to death of that bastard Jeff Zucker holding him up for higher fees on CNBC, et al. Etc.

Now, in the future, if anyone does any holding up, Brian Roberts is:

1) going to cash in, too (because now he owns a lot of cable programming), and

2) going to have more leverage in telling Bob Iger, et al, to take a hike. Until now, if Brian Roberts wanted to tell Bob Iger to take his ESPN and stuff it, he would risk losing a significant percentage of cable subs who are sports addicts. Now, Brian Roberts will be able to say to Bob Iger, "Actually, we’ve decided to make ESPN a premium channel, because most of our subs are happy with the many offerings of NBC Sports, including our new NBC Sports ESPN-killer. So if you want to jack up your fees, that’s fine, we’ll ask our subs to pay you for ESPN directly." At which time, Bob Iger, no fool, might say, "I think we’ll stick with our current fees."

Either way, Brian Roberts is okay.

Those two hedges, by the way, may well help either the New NBC or the Old Comcast drive more dollars to the bottom line. If this happens, Brian Roberts will get his money back even faster.

THE HEDGE AGAINST CABLE BECOMING A DUMB PIPE AND PROGRAMMING GOING A LA CARTE

Eventually, the current cable TV business is toast. There is NO WAY today’s teenagers are going to be shelling out $150 a month to get 500 channels they don’t watch when what they do watch is available for free over the Internet. Eventually, therefore, this whole "carriage fee" game is done—or at least radically changed.

But it’s going to take a while. At least 10 years.

And all those future adults who are going to be watching TV for free over the Internet in 10 years are still going to need Internet access (or else how are they going to watch?). And Comcast is in a great position to keep providing it.

So, regardless of what happens, Comcast won’t go to zero. But if programming goes a la carte, providers like Comcast won’t get to mark up channels by buying them at wholesale prices, bundling them together, and selling them at retail anymore. Instead, they’ll have to settle for getting, say, $50 a month for providing your Internet access and phone and just letting all the video providers sell to you directly.

Now, providing a fat dumb pipe is not a bad business. And Internet access might be so important at that point that Comcast might be able to jack up prices to, say, $75, with no programming fees (which would be less than you pay for your internet access and phone now).

But it might be a worse business than the one cable has today. In which case, Brian will have hedged his bets by taking a big chunk of cash and buying something else with it.

OF COURSE, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A GUARANTEE

How can Brian Roberts lose?

A couple of ways.

First, he can blow the execution, like AOL Time Warner did. But this is a business that Brian already knows, and it won’t involve smashing two completely different cultures that hate each other together. So the execution risk is less.

Second, cable can become a dumb pipe AND the TV programming business can blow up like the newspaper business—causing Brian Roberts to lose on both sides.

If that happens, Brian Roberts would have been better off selling the whole thing and buying a fertilizer company.

But Brian Roberts is a media mogul. And there isn’t a media mogul on earth who would give up being a media mogul to run a fertilizer company.

Reconstruction Of Hudson Plane Landing – Watch more Funny Videos

Link to video on ebaumsworld.com

Officer was driving 94 mph down a road not responding to a call without his siren, flashing lights, or even his headlights on when he crashed into a car, killing both of the teenage passengers. The cop is now on paid leave.

Dear Angel of Death, You took my favorite singer Michael Jackson, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress Farrah Fawcet, You even took my favorite infomercial guy Billy Mays. I am writing you this letter to let you know that my favorite president is Barack Obama. Thanks, Wes

Via Gizmodo

I’ll admit that I got a slight chuckle out of this particular memo sent to AT&T employees today. It explains that the company has in fact filed a lawsuit against Verizon for the rather hilarious "There’s a Map for That" ad campaign and proceeds to instruct employees to use any inquiries as a chance to talk about AT&T’s great qualities:

Channels: COR, DMDR, LD, and NR Internal
Roles: Reps & Above
Markets: All
Contact: Your Manager

AT&T filed a lawsuit on November 4, 2009 against Verizon’s "There’s a Map for That" advertising campaign. Independent research shows that the maps in the advertisements mislead consumers into believing that we do not offer any wireless service in the vast majority of the country. In fact, AT&T’s 2.5G EDGE network covers 1.75 million square miles of the United States, reaching some 296 million people, roughly the same number reached by Verizon’s network. This network supports popular services like e-mail, surfing the Web, texting, and voice calling, including the activities shown in the Verizon TV advertisements. In addition, our 3G service, the nation’s fastest, is available in more than 9,400 cities and towns.

We filed the lawsuit in Federal District Court in Atlanta and asked that Verizon be prohibited from misleading consumers regarding the scope of our wireless network.

How should I respond to customers who ask about the lawsuit?

While we cannot speculate on the complaint filed, it is a great opportunity to remind customers of AT&T’s many advantages that over 81 million customers enjoy, including:

* Best Network
* The best coverage worldwide (More Bars in More PlacesTM).
* The nation’s fastest 3G network and the only national 3G carrier providing simultaneous voice and data usage.
* The most devices that work in the most places including Japan and South Korea (3G 2100 MHz device required).
* The nation’s largest wireless and wireline broadband provider.
* The nation’s largest company-owned and operated WiFi network with more than 20,000 hotspots, including Starbucks, McDonald’s and Barnes and Noble, as well as access to over 120,000 hotspots around the world.
* The leading provider of local and long distance voice services.

Greatest Value – The fairest value with Rollover® allowing customers to keep their unused minutes month to month.
Best Products – The most innovative exclusive devices such as the iPhoneTM 3GS.
Most Convenient Services
* The most customer friendly free self-service tools with *Services for checking usage, paying bills, and adding features.
* The most convenient and cost-effective way for customers to manage their accounts with Combined Billing for wireless and wireline products.
* Industry leading 30-day satisfaction guarantee.

As always, if you have an inquiry from the media, please refer them to your local media relations team member.

I guess that if you’ve made a mockery of the court system with a ridiculous lawsuit, then you might as well use the attention for a bit of spin.

Apple Wants iTunes to Replace Your Cable Box for 30 Bucks a Month

Apple’s apparently pitching to networks a subscription plan that would deliver all your TV shows through iTunes for $30 a month, with the goal of launching it next year.

But don’t hold your breath on it happening yet: Peter Kafka has "yet to hear of a single programmer that has made a firm commitment." As he points out, while networks are constantly looking for new revenue, like those asshole aliens in Independence Day moving from world to world consuming every natural resource, they’re nervous about the idea for a lot of reasons.

A lot of it has to do with the icky, sticky relationships between networks and cable operators, where everybody’s worried about losing out as people start to watch more and more TV content online, not in their living room—where streaming video eats up bandwidth, and advertising revenues aren’t nearly as rich (which is why Hulu wants to figure out new ways to get you to pay).

While these little complications might slow the process down, the exodus is inevitable. There’s no stopping this. The internet is the new cable: Netflix, Hulu, BitTorrent. Apple might not get to launch it in a few months, but it will happen. Just give it time. The actually crazy part, if you ask me, is that the Apple TV might even live up to its name. [Hulu]

Via Gizmodo

Telephone Company Ripping You Off? Get Revenge With This Lamp

Somehow it doesn’t seem like landline providers would be happy about people using the tiny bit of electricity coming through phone-jacks to power lamps, but this thing is so kitschy looking that it’d be hard to resist. Plus it’s cheeeeeeap.

Less than five bucks for an 8-LED lamp that won’t even be a blip on your electricity bill? Why not grab one, especially if it somehow pisses off your teleco? [Uxsight via OhGizmo! via Wired]